My feet are swollen and my back is sore after twelve hours of abuse. Leaving my shoes in the garage, I head upstairs to wash away the previous night.
I stand in the spray recalling the litany of faces, names and room numbers, trying to determine if there was anything I missed.
Anything more I could have done.
Anything that I should have said.
Anything I need to know better for next time.
This mental recap is a post shift ritual. Methodically calling up past events and actions helps me wind down and actually keeps me from tossing and turning in bed. Some nights this exercise works better than others. It's not surprising that those are usually the nights when I feel I've done my best.
More often than not, though, I wonder if I did enough, know enough, if I'll ever be enough.
I also wonder if it's even possible in my line of work to really ever be enough. The learning curve is steep, the rules change often and mistakes can be fatal.
Regardless of how the recap plays out, I will still fall asleep feeling better. Being willing to review my actions and their outcomes objectively, looking for ways to overcome my flaws, as well as realizing what I've done well, gives me a sense of pride.
I may sometimes be imperfect.
I may often be flawed.
But if I do my best,
If I'm willing to work harder,
move faster,
learn quicker,
I can be enough.
Also linking up with this week's lovelinks, since I enjoyed it
so much last week!
