Because You're Mine, I Walk The Line

Many of you know about my failed attempts to quit smoking this year. For those of you who don't...I've failed to quit smoking this year!

Sad, but true. Especially since I was completely smoke free up until this past August. Oh well, we all have our vices. Some are just way more enjoyable and devastating to quit even though it's so bad for you stinkier than others.

Given my struggles lately, my darling man made me a trade.

This...

For these.

See, I married a clean shaven boy of 19 and have been devastated by his insistence to wear facial hair. I just can't get on board with the handlebar mustache, nor any of the other freakish ways he's been trimming it. I hate it...lots. More than he hates my smoking, I imagine, so we made a trade.

And even though I'm grumpy and totally fiening for a cigarette, I think I got the better end of the deal.

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I'm Thankful for iPhones

Without them, we wouldn't have great pictures of the year our turkey was too big for the roaster and had to be secured with duct tape!

Hope you all have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

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Two Baby or Not Two Baby

Today's Monday Listicle is super awesome! As someone who has vacillated extensively between "our family is complete" and "wait, are you sure you don't want another baby?" I have spent a lot of time going over both sides of the argument. That's why I chose to write BOTH lists! Yippee - today's listicle gives you two for the price of one!

10 reasons why I think we should have more children:

1. I'd love a house full of family for the holidays, or really any Sunday dinner. I imagine my children, their spouses and my grandbabies coming home, gathering around the table, sharing stories of their childhood antics and fighting over who was the favorite!

2. We already have a vehicle that can accommodate eight people so we wouldn't have to buy a new car, even if we were blessed with multiples.

3. We make beautiful babies. Seriously. We should get some sort of award for the adorableness of our children.

4. Our house has plenty of room for another nursery.

5. I always wanted another baby boy, and I never got to use the name I've already chosen for him.

6. Being pregnant would make it so much easier to quit smoking!

7. A 50% increase in Trick-or-Treat candy!

8. Turning the guest bedroom into a nursery would make it impossible for my MIL to ever move in.

9. Another child would give us better odds at having someone to support us when we're old and decrepit.

10. It's the easiest way to lose eight pounds in one day!


10 reasons why I think we should NOT have more children:

1. I don't think my my body nor my self-esteem could handle losing the 60+ pounds that always seem to accompany my pregnancies.

2. I'm really enjoying sleeping at least six hours every night and can't imagine going back to two hour sleeping intervals.

3. We're almost out of diaper land!

4. I'm quickly headed into the "high risk pregnancy" area.

5. Travel is one of our favorite hobbies, and five plane tickets is substantially more than four.

6. Having been the middle child, it makes me sad to think I'd be moving Amelia from baby girl to middle child.

7. We're currently dealing with a two-year old...'nuff said.

8. Elijah's motto is "never let your pets, or your kids, outnumber you."

9. Although having a third baby wouldn't tax our budget much more, the cost of alcohol we'd need to raise three kids would be enormous.

10. Therapy for our two children is already going to be more than we can afford. I don't know how we'd pay to undo the damage to the third one.

So there you have it! Two lists, both with valid reasons, or at least OUR reasons for having or not having any more children.

Life is Beautiful

Given my recent emotional setback, I thought it appropriate to focus on something beautiful for today's post. I'm using Mama Kat's prompt and listing the seven wonders of my life - as a nurse, and patient. Some were joyful, others were filled with tears, but each experience showed the beauty of a life and they have all helped me to remain focused, calm and accepting during difficult times.

1. As a new nurse, still precepting, I witnessed grown children saying goodbye as we cared for their dying mother. She was my first patient to die. I remember her children were there around the clock on rotating shifts, reading to her, reminiscing about their childhood, thanking her for her loving care throughout their lives. We were all present when she passed and I cried with them, realizing that, I had helped them through this difficult time. I gave tenderness and love to their family and was touched to be able to share in their grief.

2. After spending 16 hours helping me labor with Asher, the nurse on shift stayed late to care for me after the birth and help me as my son latched on for the first time. Looking back, with my experience of 12 hour night shifts, I truly appreciate her dedication to patient care at the expense of her own time and energy.

3. I've watched parents, sitting vigil at the bedside of their teenage child lingering between life and death from a suicide attempt. Desperately wanting to do something, and hoping that being there just might be enough to bring their baby back to them.

4. I've held the Ambu Bag during a lengthy code, before time of death was called, as a tearful wife leaned over to tell her husband "I love our life."

5. I've seen a patient who coded several times in ICU walk into my unit upon discharge and thank me for the care I gave, grateful to be able to spend another day with loved ones.

6. During an awful snow and ice storm, I watched exhausted nurses come on shift, having slept in the hospital, to take report on patients they knew would not be safe without adequate staffing.

7. I've performed post mortem care more times than I can count. Tenderly removing lines and cleaning patients so they can be ready to be taken to the funeral home. Some find this macabre, but for me, it's a continuation of nursing care, not only for the patient, but for the family. A way to show respect for someone's life as well as those that love them.

I realize that this list may seem like a downer for some, but that's not the intent. I've learned from my career that there is beauty in even the most upsetting parts of our lives. Sometimes it's shown to us by others, sometimes we are blessed to offer it to someone else.

Written in response to a prompt from Mama Kat's.
#1. List your life's Seven Wonders. 
Describe the most amazing 7 things you've seen with your own two eyes.

The Ugly Truth

Bruna from Bees With Honey has created a new meme called "BEE beautiful You" and it couldn't have come soon enough. I've been a bit absent here, not because I don't have anything to say, I just can't seem to find the energy (or desire) to say it.

I've been struggling with myself lately. These cyclical feelings of self-loathing are starting to become a recurring theme of my life. And of this blog.

That's not what I want. It's not truly who I am. It's just how I'm feeling right now.

I don't want to be a downer. I don't want people to stop visiting because it's depressing, or because I'm too needy. I want to make people smile and laugh. I want to smile and laugh.

I know that I have so many things to be grateful for: a healthy family, a home, wonderful friends, the opportunity to work in a field that I love. I have so many blessings in my life, which is why I'm baffled by this feeling of being constantly overwhelmed.

I realize that posts for this meme are supposed to be about celebrating either yourself, or another woman's inner and outer beauty.  I guess posting about the inability to find my own beauty is a bit off topic. However, I linked up because I'm hoping to find inspiration in my fellow bloggers. People who have been able to find their light. Women, whom I admire, who just might give me a little hope so that next month, when this meme comes back around, I'll have something beautiful to say.

Eight is Enough

My baby boy is eight years old. My firstborn. My Asher.

Oh. My. Heart.

He's riding a bike and tying his shoes.

He's taking the bus to school and having sleep overs.

He's losing his teeth and trading his baby face for boyish good looks.

He's still waking up before me, but he now makes his own breakfast.

He's a loving big brother who adores and protects his sister.

He's moving from me, towards his father. Big boy adventures with snuggling only at night.

He's growing into more than I ever dreamed he'd be.

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Back in High School

I'm participating for the first time ever in Northwest Mommy's Monday Listicles. This week's topic is about High School. Here goes!

1. My family moved the summer before my senior year.

2. I never had a steady boyfriend.

3. I was a choir nerd. I was in the original Glee type show choir for my high school.

4. I ran the 330m hurdles and lettered in track.

5. I was set up on my Homecoming date by one of my teachers.

6. I wore sweats to school, a lot. I was a total fashion disaster so #2 wasn't a shock.

7. I held the banner while marching in the Rose Parade with our band.

8. I am still close to one of my best friends from high school. Hi Mindy!

9. Lost my bathing suit top after diving in at a pool party.

10. I cut my hair often and at one point it was shorter on one side than the other. (#2!)

Boo!

We had a wonderful Halloween! We went to a family Halloween party on Sunday and then, Monday, took the kids trick-or-treating with friends. I've sorted the haul and it looks like I'll be adding another few pounds to my waistline this winter. But I'm willing to sacrifice my figure in order to keep our dental bills down. I'm such a team player!

Here we are in all our Halloween finery.

Elijah went as a used car salesman. I went as myself a witch

The most adorable (and versatile) witch shoes ever!

Our little ladybug.

Asher was the Scream monster, but Amelia just called him "Scary"

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Also linking up with Four Plus an Angel and Sellabitmum!