All Of Your Cigarettes

I have fallen off the wagon.

Hard. I'm actually pretty sore, both physically and mentally.

I don't know what happened. After four cigarette free years (minus the occasional bummed one here or there) I took up smoking again. It was so easy. I bought a pack on the way home from work this past Sunday and just like that I became a smoker again.

Why? As a nurse I absolutely know, and have cared for, people who have struggled their whole lives with this addiction. I have intimate, heartbreaking knowledge about what really happens when smoking begins to destroy your body. Unfortunately, the intellectual side of my mind is not in control at this moment. Currently, I'm stumping along on my crutch fueled entirely by instinct, habit and a strong desire to have something all to myself again.

However, I'm going to give myself a pass for this slip up as well as some time to let me work out a plan to get off the nicotine. And thankfully, so is my wonderfully understanding family. I've always said that I never "quit" smoking, I just "stopped." Referring to a relapse in that way isn't intended to be an excuse to continue smoking on and off indefinitely; it's more of a way to forgive myself for having a weakness. We all have vices, mine is just more disgusting and physically devastating than some of the others I could succumb to.

I know why I started again which is also why I know I can stop. The Texas heat, my unpredictable work schedule and our current, very exciting but overwhelmingly time consuming, adventures have hampered my ability to fall back on my replacement addiction, running. I still have plans to train for a half-marathon in December and know from experience that I cannot smoke and still do my long runs. Elijah and I have figured out a fixed, workable, shift schedule that will give me specific days for training runs and get me back to a more regular, restful sleep cycle.

I share this publicly because, as those who know me personally can attest to, it's hard for me to admit that I am imperfect. That I am a flawed person. It's important to remind myself that I cannot be everything I think I should be at all times without a little give. It's good to let others know that I am trying just like everyone else to have it all. And sometimes, for me, that includes a cigarette with my coffee.

Friday I'm In Love

...the "Label Whore" edition.

That's right. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I embrace it, and if you feel the same way, I'd advise you to do the same.

Now, on to the list!

First off, I am of lover of all things Kate Spade. Her bags are not only beautifully made, they are understated and classically styled. I love that I can use them season after season. I'd been hoping for a fantastic iPhone cover and she has come through for me yet again. This is the EXACT color of my current (cheap plastic) phone cover only it has her lovely touch.


image courtesy of Wikivisual

Burberry Nova Check. Nothing says "label whore" more than my desire to own something, ANYTHING that bears this iconic design. Wallet, bag, hat, shoes, scarf, hell I'd even take an umbrella. There is an outlet nearby and I've already made one window shopping visit. I predict the second visit will turn this "want" into a "have."


image courtesy of tristinstyling

I'm not a big fan of coach. I don't fault the coach groupies. I can see the appeal of some of their pieces. I just don't usually like their collection. Then I saw Bride Wars and the Coach Legacy Gigi bag worn by Anne Hathaway's character. It was love at first sight. Unfortunately, it was also a few seasons past and completely impossible to find in the Whiskey color shown in the picture. I have an ongoing search on Ebay and they spring up occasionally. I'm just having trouble convincing Elijah to pony up the $300+ for this bag.



Look at that sole! Pair these amazing Louboutin's with jeans and a white ribbed tank and you have an outfit that perfectly expresses my personal style: lazy, yet pricey.


And now for the final member of today's list.


The Mercedes G Wagon.

Because when you're picking up your kid in the carpool line, bra-less, wearing last weeks pajamas, looking like you just crawled out of bed (because you did, because no one with kids actually gets any REAL sleep) and your daughter, her face covered in whatever sticky substance you were able to force down her at lunch, is screaming in the backseat, you have to have a $104,000 vehicle. If only to reassure yourself that parenting did not beat all your sense of style out of you with it's "mommy!, mommy!, mommy!, why not, what for, how come, do I have to?" club.

Running On Empty

I'm pleased to report that I have finished yet another good read. These past few books have REALLY made up for some of the stinkers I endured this year.

I think I bought this book simply because it had "running" in the title. What can I say; I'm just crazy like that. It really was a fast and fun read. Although the subject was somewhat dark, there was nothing overwhelming or too emotionally draining in the story. It's mainly about a man's journey back to himself. Sort of a play on the running years of Forrest Gump using a bike instead of sneakers. It's well written and heartwarming and definitely worth the time.

BATS Spelled Backwards Is STAB

Congress Street Bridge

I've said it before and I'll say it again...

Vacation is no place for children.

This past weekend some dear friends from Oklahoma drove down to visit us. They stayed at this amazing resort south of Austin and invited us to crash the party. We spent two full days lounging by the pool, drinking, eating and laughing. We had planned to stay at the hotel as well, but after our Dallas trip, we thought better of it. Amelia is NOT a good sleeper when she isn't at home. That, combined with having to share a bed with the wiggliest child ever, means that no one, besides Asher, would have gotten any sleep.

We were able to get a sitter Friday evening so we had an adults only, real food meal where no one ordered mac and cheese or complained about not being able to wear pajamas. Elijah and I wore actual "going out" clothing and I even put on make-up. I know, big night eh? We ate at Hula Hut and it was just as good as I'd heard. After dinner, Elijah and I had extra time to waste spend, so we caught a late showing of Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World at the Alamo Drafthouse. I honestly cannot remember the last time Elijah and I were out together without the kids. And the fact that were able to spend the evening with friends made it even more of a treat.

I had made reservations to see the Congress Bridge Bats on Saturday evening. I figured that we'd spend the day relaxing by the pool and then take the kids into the city in the evening. What I hadn't factored in was the draining power of the sun (on both adults and children). Nor had it ever occurred to me that THERE IS NO WAY FOR ANYONE TO ESCAPE AN EXHAUSTED, SCREAMING CHILD WHEN YOU'RE ON A BOAT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WATER. We made it out and back just fine and the bats really were amazing. The kids did well considering the circumstances. I however, had a hard time enjoying it because I was so worried about keeping the baby happy and making sure we didn't slip slowly into meltdown mode. Anxiety ruled the day so I will have to redo the experience sans children, or maybe once Amelia hits six.

As you can see from the pictures it was a pretty exhausting day.

Waiting for Asher's horse back ride...in the sun.

The boat is still in dock...look at that face.

Middle of the ride, waiting on her fourth wind.

There were some bright spots...

And some near meltdowns.

Girls and Boys In School

Asher was so excited to start First Grade today.

I guess he hasn't yet reached the age where school is lame and you live for summer break. I think keeping him home with me for those last three weeks of vacation made him actually want to go back to school. Never underestimate the motivational power of a nagging mother. Based on this experiment I don't think I'll have any trouble getting him to leave the nest permanently.

Amelia and I came back to our empty little house and just stared at each other. It was lonely and far too quiet. However, don't for one second think that I wasn't trying to figure out when there will be total silence at home all day!

Barely Breathing

Sorry about the silence. I realize that I've been off the grid for the past week.

I took the kids to Oklahoma for one final anxiety ridden blast before school starts. It was a nice visit and I'm pretty sure I made up for the lack of photos the last time around. I guess we'll see once I'm out of my post vacation stupor.

I hope to be up and running a bit more smoothly next week. Thanks for stopping by to read this sad little post. Enjoy your weekend!

Behind Blue Eyes

The most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen belong to my first born child, my baby boy, Asher.

I have brown eyes and my husband's are hazel so seeing Asher's bright blue eyes at birth was miraculous to us. I remember worrying, during his first year, that they would change. It wasn't so much about the color. I think, instead, that I was afraid I'd lose the daily reminder of the perfect blue eyes I first saw on the day of his birth.

Throughout these past six years those eyes have been a constant reminder of that indescribable moment; when I first became a mother. He was born silent, and continued that silence for those first 24 hours in the hospital. He seemed almost thoughtful as if he was taking in his new world, his eyes filled with wonder.

The only thing that's really changed since that first day is the silence. I swear, that child is physically unable to be quiet. But he is still such a thoughtful boy, always trying to figure out the world around him. Questioning how things work and where he belongs. It is such a privilege to take this journey with him and see the world through his eyes.



















This post is written in response to a prompt from:

Monto (Take Her Up To Monto)

This book was a fantastic read! It rekindled my interest in Irish history and reminded me of our trip two years ago. Being a historical novel, it may seem a little dry in places to some, but I was absolutely fascinated throughout. It describes the assassination of Permanent Under Secretary for Ireland, Thomas Henry Burke, and Chief Secretary for Ireland, Lord Frederick Cavendish, by the Irish Invincibles. Sean Molony's research into the assassination and the investigation that followed was exhaustive. After this book I wanted to read everything I could about Irish history. This was a fascinating and energizing read (but only if you're a dork, like me).

Little Miss Can't Be Wrong

Do you know how far a man will go to prove his wife wrong?

I do. Or at least I know how far my husband will go to prove me wrong. I don't blame him. He so rarely gets to be right he's willing to do almost anything for a chance to point out any of my erroneous behaviors.

During our Dallas weekend, Elijah got a parking ticket while parked in front of a Hooters where he had taken our children for lunch.

(Yep, go ahead and read that sentence again.)

Anyway, upon our return home, he had been the one to unpack the car. I specifically remember requesting that he put everything "all the way away," rather than the usual unload into the kitchen for Marina to trip over until she finally breaks down and unpacks all the suitcases, does laundry and puts up all the miscellaneous crap we can't seem to ever leave at home.

After he had finished unloading, I remembered seeing that neon green ticket on the table where he'd put all the other trash from the weekend. I asked him to clean it up and can't recall anything else about that evening. The next day he asked if I'd paid the ticket. Knowing that we only had ten days before the fine increased, I frantically search the house to no avail.

Elijah is ADAMANT that I threw away the ticket while clearing the table. I am a compulsive "clearer," meaning I don't necessarily clean, so much as throw stuff away in an attempt to win the battle against our ever present clutter. Now, I cannot imagine that I would have mistaken a bright neon green envelope for trash but he will not let it go. Finally I make some comment about how he should go out and check the garbage if he's so sure I threw it out.

He feels so very vindicated in this shot (not a recreation by the way).

Unfortunately, had he actually put everything ALL THE WAY AWAY per my initial request, the ticket would not have been discarded. So I still sort of win, on a technicality.

Friday I'm In Love

It occurred to me to start a link list of things I've discovered (and am currently coveting) through my online adventures. I won't commit to doing this every week (I'm already over committed as it is!), but I'll try to do it often enough to make it seem like a real thing.

Here goes my first ever Friday I'm in love list:

I will own this adorable cupcake jar from In A Glaze as soon as I find the perfect hutch for it to call home.


I have wanted to order something, ANYTHING, from Sarah + Abraham and just haven't gotten around to it. I love their line of family silhouettes...maybe I'll use them for Christmas cards.


The Outer Banks Trading Group has the perfect photo for my downstairs powder room. Elijah and I met in Monterey which makes this all the more fitting for our home. My only hesitation is the $72 price tag.

Every Christmas I buy matching pajamas for our family. Yes, I am THAT mother. The Company Store has all of their family pajamas on sale and they are ridiculously cheap. I will probably buy them early just to save a little on our Christmas budget.

Suppermassive Black Hole

Poor Chester.

Poor neglected, under appreciated, left to rot in a kennel while we party it up in Dallas, Chester.

Last week I took Chester to get groomed who, by the way loves it so much, he has to be sedated. Later that evening Elijah mentioned that the bump on Chester's left side seemed to have grown. I figured it was simply more pronounced due to his newly shorn skin and proceeded to file that concern under things that I'll worry about when both kids are in school and I finally have time to poop in peace. (That's right, I said poop.)

Fast forward to Sunday evening when a sulking Chester is finally freed from his captors, or as I put it, when we pay $30 for someone else to listen to him bark all weekend. Elijah is even more concerned about this growth and while the "before children Chester mommy" would have rushed him to the nearest emergency vet, the new "totally exhausted mom of two REAL kids" wanted to try the more cost effective, wait and see approach.

Monday morning comes with a POP. That's right, Chester's growth-like cyst of nastiness popped overnight leaving remnants on Asher's sheets. Yick. Elijah cleaned it up and dug out the remaining whatever the hell it was while I held Chester, averting my eyes. It was an extreme form of gross. I had never seen anything like it. I was so disgusted.

I'll take poop over puss any day.

Welcome to the Working Week

Well, we're back from our whirlwind Dallas trip. We met our good friends Kathryn and Zach Nash (you can find them at Mixed Handbag and Nash Creative respectively) for a weekend of shopping, photography and kid wrangling.

Oh! Em! Gee!

All I can say about that crazy visit is that next time, Kathryn and I will not bring along all that baggage! It was wonderful to spend time with our dear friends even if it seemed a bit too chaotic to me.

This week is Asher's first week without camp. He only has three more weeks of summer break left and we wanted to make sure he was sick of being home and ready to head back to school. I only hope I'm up to the task of managing these two rascals 12 hours a day.