Friday I'm In Love

Final Edition.

I have decided it's time to say goodbye to this little post "theme." I can't imagine it'll be that difficult given that I've only done one of these posts this year. Still, I had a lot of ideas in my head that I'm no longer able to use, at least not on my blog.

Damn Pinterest!*

So from now on, if you want to know what I'm lusting after, you'll have to follow me there. Just click the button below and you can have my Friday Love every day of the week!



*I don't actually meant that, please don't take away my account. It's all just blather, I love Pinterest, I can't stop pinning!

He Doesn't Know Why

Asher's homework this week was to write a poem using his spelling words. Most of his assignments this year center around helping him to write. To consider what he wants to say, find the words and put them down on paper. He's been struggling with these tasks, but for some reason, was better able to do this particular poem assignment. In fact, he wrote several different poems rather than a single poem using all of the required words. As I was looking over his work last night, I found this:

I didn't know what to say.

Standing at the top of the stairs, looking up from this paper into the honest eyes of my son, I couldn't even speak.

I started to ask why? how? what does this mean to you? Instead I praised his work, told him he had done enough for the day and could go outside to ride his bike.

Some of you may know, many may have guessed, that I struggle with anxiety. It's a new thing for me, triggered, I believe, during the upheaval caused by our move from Oklahoma last year. Since then, in quiet moments, I've realized that those changes were just a catalyst. I had always been a little uncomfortable, uneasy, anxious. The children, the move, work, these just brought it to the surface.

I was lucky that I developed healthier coping skills than many others who struggle with anxiety. I didn't self medicate with alcohol or engage in self destructive behavior. I was able to deal with my emotions and fears by being prepared for everything. Some people think I'm controlling, inflexible, unable to be spontaneous or 'go with the flow'. But controlling my environment, with an exhaustive amount of planning, was how I dealt with my anxiety in the past. Living out of boxes, in a rental house with two young children and a new job seemed impossible. Everything was constantly in flux. I wasn't grounded, I couldn't find my feet. I was angry, frustrated, depressed, impatient, and lonely.

I reached out for help.

That was over a year ago, and while things are better (thanks in large part to the pharmaceutical companies) I still feel anxious and overwhelmed at times. Given his loving and sensitive nature, I wasn't exactly surprised to find that Asher picked up on it.

I'm not upset about it either. I just don't know how to discuss this with him.

I want him to know that sometimes life is hard, and sometimes people need help. I want him to understand that everyone is fighting some sort of battle and it's okay to ask for a hand with your own. I want him to know I'm not ashamed. That this isn't his fault. That parents aren't infallible. I don't always have the answers and that's okay.

I need to find a way to approach this that he will understand. Speak on his level and be truthful about who I am and what I know my failings to be. It must be authentic because most of all I want him to know that it's more important to be honest than it is to be perfect.

Here Comes The Rain Again

Some of you may have heard that Texas is in a drought. The Austin area, where I live, is well on it's way to scoring the newest drought on record since the 1960's. Many of the surrounding areas have already instituted water restrictions and we are all doing what we can to conserve. This means, that while our front lawn is small enough to be watered twice a week, our back yard is completely dead. We also had to pull all our flowers from the front since they burned up in July and were unsalvageable. If today hits 100 degrees, which it's expected to do, that will make a record breaking 89 days of triple-digit-heat this year.

Naturally, this means that we haven't been getting our cars washed. It's wasteful, and against the restrictions, to wash them ourselves, plus we felt that it wasn't right to take them in so someone else can waste water on something so unnecessary. As a result, our cars looked dusty and sad. Which explains why Elijah was so excited about the small rain shower we had last night.

This is how our cars get washed - drought style:

See how creative and conservationally minded we Okies are?

Linking this up with those wild and crazy 

iPhone Photo Phun gals:

 

Funny Odd, Or Funny Ha Ha?

The kids are both really into knock, knock jokes right now. Given their age difference, it's pretty much the only thing they have in common to talk about. Our various car rides and dinner conversations usually involve a seemingly never ending, yet always hilarious, retelling of the same three jokes. The first two are Asher's creations and the last one is Amelia's variation of the banana/orange joke (orange you glad I didn't say banana?).

Here's a little glimpse into my life with my comedic children.

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Pig.
Pig who?
Pig any watermelon, they're all for sale.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Milk
Milk who?
Milk any cow you want.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Banana, knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Banana, knock knock.
Who's there?
Clementine.
Clementine who?
Clementine ate banana.

Que the unbridled giggling of two children who find each other mutually hilarious.

Where I'm From

I am from a typewriter, from a well loved, beautifully played Martin, and homemade wheat bread.

I am from the busiest house in the neighborhood, family dinners that spilled from the dining room table onto living room couches, from chaos, strong wills, and the hidden trace of cigarette smoke on breath and clothes.

I am from the the scent of orange blossoms and the heat of the Santa Ana winds, from the Joshua Tree, sour grass, and the feel of the Pacific Ocean between toes.

I am from holiday batches of homemade Chex Mix and the fear that danger can be found in the most innocuous of places, from Christmas and Huckett and Lara, and even Norton.

I am from the darkness of depression, the struggle with addiction, the fierceness of an independent spirit, and traveling light in the interest of self preservation.

From 'God will provide' and 'love one another'.

I am from those who sprinkle and those who immerse, from three hours of meetings every Sunday without fail. I'm from religions claiming focus on strong family relationships, loving the sinner while hating the sin. I'm from unanswered questions and the abandoning of youthful beliefs. I'm from sacraments, covenants, purgatory, celestial glory and eternal damnation.

I’m from the City of Orange, from Mexican immigrants and New World explorers. I'm from Christmas Eve tamales and rosemary sourdough toast.

From the secretary who fell in love with the truck driving choir boy, the teacher who fell for his research assistant, and the man who made it 'Off-Broadway'.

I am from volumes of photo albums organized for decades then scattered amongst the grieving. I'm from boxes of letters, books, poetry and journals hidden in attics from judgmental eyes. I'm from seashells, and sand dollars and smooth glass rocks. I'm from schoolwork and projects, report cards and homemade gifts forgotten and tossed aside in anticipation for the next move.  I'm from forsaking the old in search of the new, from turning your back and leaving behind.

Written in response to a prompt from Mama Kat's.
#2. Where I'm From.

Don't Blink, You Might Miss Something

I had wanted to add just one more Vegas post and this week's iPhone Photo Phun is the perfect opportunity.

I'm both a little proud and ashamed to say that I really didn't miss my family much while on my girl's trip. I think Elijah was slightly put out by that and there were times that I wished I had him along for the adventure, but I can honestly say that I never once thought "Gee, I wish the kids were here."

Not a single time.

In fact, I kept marveling at the fact that I wasn't homesick for them. I'd call daily and chat for a bit, but other than that, I didn't think twice about what they were up to. I knew they were safe and probably having more fun with their father than they usually have with me. It never occurred to me to miss them.

Until I got the following photos while waiting to board my plane home...

Y'all, my baby boy learned to ride his bike while I was in VEGAS!! I cannot believe it. I was so proud of him.

And so sorry that I had missed it.

Linking this up with those wild and crazy 

iPhone Photo Phun gals:

 

Also linking up for Wordful Wednesday at Seven Clown Circus.

A Near Miss Mom Fail of Epic Proportions

I am not, nor have I ever been, a girly girl.

I'm also pretty hopeless when it comes to fashion, refusing to sacrifice function or comfort for style. My personal taste swings well into the realm of overworked soccer mom. I don't think I look frumpy or ugly, it's more of a lack of finesse. I have no creativity for accessorizing and can't seem to buy anything - shoe, pant, skirt or top - without first asking "what would I wear this with?" I buy multiple copies of identical shirts in different colors and prefer one piece knit dresses to everything else.

As for makeup, let me just say that I lost my makeup bag sometime around August and didn't notice until I started packing for Vegas. That is how infrequently I put anything on my face besides lotion.

All that being said, I am a sucker for pedicures. I LOVE THEM! They are the one indulgence I never regret which is why I treated myself to one before leaving for Vegas. Miraculously, the pedicure was still intact after the trip which prompted Amelia to cry out for "Pink toes! Pink toes!" This was the first time I recall her noticing painted nails and I was happy to share with her the joy of the pedicure. The only problem was:

I don't have any nail polish.

I'm so serious. I can't remember the last time I painted my nails. My fingernails (which you'll see in the following pictures) have such small cuticle beds that I don't bother doing anything with them at all. And my toenails are so teeny that I'd never be able to paint them nicely, not to mention the fact that doing it myself would defeat the entire purpose of the indulgent pedicures.

Seriously, there is no nail polish in my house.

I promised I pick some up while she was at school the next day and then promptly forgot. In a panic I asked Elijah to get some on his way home from work hoping that, although he is a man who knows nothing about nail polish, he'd still come through for his little girl. And guys, he totally did.

I had never seen this girl sit so still!

Not Your Ordinary Motherly Advice

I was intrigued by Mama Kat's prompt to write advice to a new mother. I don't consider myself an expert in this department, despite having had two children, but I do think that I might have some interesting, unconventional, thoughts to share on the subject.

Bear with me:

1. Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a wonderful new little bundle of soul-sucking joy. I mean that, of course, in the sweetest of ways. With so many people wanting, yet unable, to have children you are blessed beyond measure. However, don't let that overcome you with guilt about any feelings of resentment you may have towards your new little love. Motherhood is a sacrifice. Not only of the body, but also of the mind and soul. You will become intimately acquainted with all your faults and failings, but you will also find strength and wisdom when you least expect it. You will feel proud of what you've accomplished, yet also, at times conflicted about how this new life makes you feel. Don't be ashamed. Every parent has felt this way, some just refuse to acknowledge it.

2. Drink. I'm totally serious about this one. ESPECIALLY if you a nursing. You've already probably laid off the sauce for the past 12 months and are hankering for a cosmo, martini, glass of wine, or PBR. It's okay. Don't worry about "pumping and dumping" just wait until the evening feeding after you've had dinner, prop your feet up in a comfy chair, let the little one latch on, and sip your favorite adult beverage while watching whatever your latest guilty pleasure is. Your milk will come down so much easier if you're relaxed and satisfied. And your body will have enough time to process all the alchohol before baby's next feeding. I consider it a win/win for all!

3. Find a friend. This can be someone with or without kids, so long as they understand that you are inexplicable tied to the little monsters. You need to have someone who doesn't judge you for however you feel about motherhood. Someone who is willing to listen to you cry and bitch about how perfect your boobs used to be, and maybe even be handy at helping you shop for bras. Seriously, you need a good friend that doesn't mind you calling home in the middle of a girls night out to ask about your little ones bowel movements. This are not a friend that needs to be willing to babysit, this will be a friend for you. Someone who helps to remind you that although you're now wiping another person's butt on a regular basis, you are so much more than that.

I cannot express enough that being a mother is difficult. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. You WILL want to lock yourself in the bathroom at times and that's OK. Just realize that anyone with children has been there before. Try to surround yourself with people who are willing to overlook the awful things you say about your kids (like this post) and don't beat yourself up about the bad days.

Also, invest now for their therapy. It will help assuage the guilt when you just can't drink another cup of imaginary tea or play another game of Candyland.

Written in response to a prompt from Mama Kat's.
#5. Advice to new mothers.

Eat Your Heart Out

Vegas recap week continues!!!!

Are you bored yet? Hopefully not but if so, I apologize...sort of.

Hands down, for me, the best part of the Vegas trip was the food. Initially, when we settled on going to Vegas I was a little less-than-enthused. Having been to Vegas before, I couldn't fathom that Sin City could offer me anything unique or interesting. Then I remembered Season 6 of Top Chef was filmed in Vegas. I'm a total Top Chef junkie and remembering all the restaurants and interesting chefs that had made their home on the strip suddenly got me very excited. I did some research and discovered that our trip also coincided with Las Vegas Restaurant Week, another bonus.

My dear friend was more than happy to let me make all the food decisions/arrangements so I set about planning our three days of meals. In the end we hit four Top Chef spots and had some of the best meals ever!

Hands down, for me, the best overall experience was at Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feniger's Border Grille. The service was impeccable, attentive without being intrusive and the food was perfection on a plate. Literally. If you can only eat one meal in Vegas, do it here.

The meat was so tender I don't even think you'd need teeth to eat it!

Second best, by a fairly close margin was Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill where we stopped for brunch on Saturday. I am anxious to get back and try their dinner menu!

I look ridiculous because I'm enjoying the hell out of the green chile hollandaise sauce!

And, of course, no true Top Chef Vegas trip would be complete without a stop at Tom Colicchio's CraftSteak. While the food was amazing, I have to admit I was a bit put out by the service. When we were seated, we were introduced to our TWO servers. I don't know if one was in training or what, but they didn't seem to work together cohesively, making the meal seem disjointed. I suppose that after our lunch with the waitstaff at Border Grille, I expected much more for what we were paying for this dining experience.

The day of our departure we had breakfast at Serendipity3. Other than the ice cream parlor in the John Cusack/Kate Beckinsale movie, Serendipity, I hadn't heard much about this place. It was Kathy's pick and she did good. We finished off a great foodie trip with their signature Frozen Hot Chocolate before heading to the airport.

Isn't that a beautiful looking plate?!

Looking back at the trip, the food was definitely the highlight for me. However, there were so many restaurants we missed, I can't wait to return with Elijah and eat our way across the strip!

Linking this up with:

Girl Gone Wild

What does a suburban mother of two do when her Vegas trip just isn't "CRAZEH" enough?

She gets a tattoo, of course!

I know my last post about Vegas talked about how chill and non-partying our trip was but I did get a little wild. We found Starlight Tattoo on our way to dinner in Mandalay Bay our second night there and it seemed like a sign. Now, this isn't my first tattoo. I got my first one at 20 while on vacation in Miami. But I had been wanting to get inked again for a while now I'd just been having trouble deciding what or where.

I was so lucky to have Kathy there to talk me through the details and push me, ever so gently, towards the store the next day to make my appointment.

Also, she took some excellent photos!

A perfect star for Miss Marina Star!

Waking Up in Vegas

I am back from my Las Vegas Girls Trip!!! I think I'll just go ahead and try to get a week's worth of posts out of those four days, so be warned...it may start getting old.



I had envisioned a Vegas trip that would have made Katy Perry proud. Unfortunately, I failed miserably. Don't get me wrong, it was a wonderful trip. And we actually visited several places that we talked about seeing, doing, and shopping at during our four month planning session. Our original plan was to spend four days shopping, laying out by the pool drinking margaritas, eating amazing food and spending some quiet time getting reacquainted.

However, somewhere between the initial commitment to the trip and the months leading up to the actual take-off, I began to envision a far more wild and crazy girls weekend. Jello shots, late nights gambling, dancing all night with the other hoochies at the clubs, meeting wicked hot celebrities, and coming home with enough money for both our families to retire together on a tropical paradise with a chef, a housekeeper and a nanny for the kids.

Alas, that was not how the trip unfolded. For one, Kathy and I were completely incapable of staying up any later than 10pm. AND we got up at 7am every morning. This was NOT part of the plan, but we simply could not get onboard with the two hour time difference. Plus, we rationalized that since it was OUR vacation we could go to bed whenever we wanted!

In your face, Vegas night life!!!

The fact that I didn't come home with a four day hangover, a multi-million dollar cashier's check from the roulette table, or the phone numbers from my Top Five Celebrities list is okay with me, really. We still had a great trip; a trip that was perfect in it's imperfections. Kathy and I discovered that we travel well together, there was minimal catiness and absolutely no arguing about each other's bathroom routines.

Today's post is how I failed to produce a Katy Perry worthy trip to Vegas. Tomorrow I'll share a bit more about how two suburban ladies party down in the City of Sin!

I'll Fly Away

Three years ago, on the day of a dear friend's birthday celebration, I found out I was pregnant with Amelia. Needless to say, Elijah and I subtly ruined her birthday dinner with our inability to drink and overall weirdness.

To celebrate a friendship that can overcome ruined birthdays and hormonally challenged pregnancies, we are leaving today on a long overdue girls trip.

This picture represents me, desperately attempting to pack for my flight to Vegas which leaves in all of four hours. As you can see, it's already starting out as a memorable trip!


Linking this up with:

To Market, To Market

The weather yesterday was amazing! After 70+ days of over 100 degree weather we finally got a taste of Fall. The temps hovered around 80 and we had a nice cool breeze. It was the perfect day for an Austin outing.

We met some friends and had dinner at Central Market, which is essentially a grocery store with a restaurant, outdoor seating and a playground. It was the perfect day to sit outside, drink some wine, watch the kids play and even do a little geocaching.

Elijah took the following shots which, I think, are amazing. He was good enough to not capture all the chaos, crying and tantrums that inevitably accompany any trip that doesn't include a Nintendo DS  or whatever random toy Amelia is screaming about that day!

Bye Bye Love

Today is Labor Day.

In the spirit that today traditionally marks the end of summer and the lead in to Fall, I thought I'd post some pictures of my favorite moments from the past few months.

Exploring around the neighborhood.

Discovering new food trailers.

Playing baseball.

Ok, so I didn't really care for baseball.

Joyriding!

Swimming at Gigi's.

Our family trip to Florida.

Goofing around at home.

We spent a LOT of time goofing around the house.

Swimming with cousin Harper.

We had such a great summer. I can't wait to see what the next season has to offer.

Hopeful

This week should mark my very last as a sleep deprived mother of two and absentee wife.

Amelia starts preschool next Tuesday. She will go three days a week. I get to sleep at least five hours on the days she is gone. I would jump up and down with joy if I had the energy.

Let me paint a somewhat self-indulgent picture of my soon to be former schedule using this past week as an example.

Last Thursday I worked 7P-7A getting home just in time Friday morning to pass Elijah in the kitchen and take Asher to school. I spent the day with Amelia, sneaking in an hour in a half nap while she talked and sang in her bed before picking Asher up from school, throwing a frozen pizza in the oven and heading to bed around the time Elijah came in from work.

That Saturday, I worked 11A-11P, it was a ROUGH day and I didn't end up getting home until half past midnight because I had to stop by Taco Bell and get dinner. I got to bed a little after two. Up Sunday morning with my monsters, too exhausted to do anything except lay on the couch sipping coffee while Elijah made breakfast. I napped from 2-5, then headed in to work another 7A-7P.

Monday morning, another passing in the kitchen, Asher taken to school...no nap because Amelia just wasn't in the mood. I seriously fell asleep that night between putting Amelia and Asher to bed, leaving Asher to feel left out and upset. Up Tuesday morning, rested just enough to strip the sheets, fold and put away laundry and balance the checkbook. Asher had swimming and Amelia's school had their parent orientation that evening.

Was off Tuesday and Wednesday night where I stayed up far too late trying to catch up with the husband I hadn't seen in four days. Which brings me full circle to last night, where I worked another 7P-7A and have now inhaled just enough coffee to keep me up until Amelia's nap, but hopefully not too much to keep me awake through it.

Yep. FOURTEEN MONTHS OF THAT.

Give or take the summer weeks where I take off and drive my kids 8 hours each way to spend a week as a single parent with Elijah's family.

I think telling you that I'm tired is an understatement. I swear I'm not complaining. Elijah and I have spent the past seven years working out a schedule that made it possible for us to have our children at home with us most of the time. We took turns with Asher and it I am so glad that we've been able to do the same with Amelia. We have had help, especially when both of the kids were really young, but I can honestly say that I am so relieved that I will soon be able to drop them both somewhere and sleep off my night shift.

I'm looking forward to having more evenings with Elijah.

I'm looking forward to having more time to read.

I'm really looking forward to spending more time in bed...alone...without a monitor on.