HELP!

It's been almost a year since I started working and taking care of Amelia all day without help and let me just say, it is really getting to me. I realize that I'm only working two days a week but I still feel stretched. I'm tired all the time, I keep getting sick and I just can't shake this feeling that I'm trying to do too many things at once and I'm doing them all half-assedly (yep, that's a word).

Last week I decided that I HAD to find something for Amelia to do a few days a week. Something that would give me the opportunity to sleep the day following my shift, or go to the grocery store alone, or even get a doctor's appointment in without finding a babysitter. The search was pretty daunting. Unfortunately, most parents want/need full time care and the part time care pickings are pretty slim for her age. I scoured the internet, made calls, and stopped in at countless places trying to find a good fit. I was pretty discouraged yesterday after doing the math and realizing that it'd be cheaper to buy a new BMW than it would be to put her in any sort of acceptable childcare.

Luckily, I have a great support system. And I just happened to be complaining to a friend who mentioned a Mother's Day Out program she had used that sounded perfect. Amelia and I toured the facility this morning and I signed her up and paid the fee. She won't start until summer so I have a few months to get used to leaving her but I really think this will be best for both of us. She will have a few days of structured play and I will get some much needed rest.

I know it sounds trite, but I feel this huge weight has been lifted. Like I will soon be able to breathe a bit easier and can hopefully invest more in myself, ultimately feeling less depleted by the end of the day. Too often I feel like I have to do everything alone. I don't ask for help when I should; maybe out of fear of looking weak or just because I want to be able to do it all. The truth is, I've realized this year, I am not capable of doing it all. I can't keep up the house, manage the kids, support my husband, and serve my patients in any meaningful way if I am constantly emotionally or physically exhausted. That only makes me feel resentful about obligations and responsibilities that were once a joy to me.

It took a while, but I realize now that everyone will be better served if, on occasion, I take a little for myself.

Friday I'm In Love

Alright, I realize it's been quite some time since I did one of these posts. The truth is that I am hell bent on reducing our student loan debt this year. I'm all tunnel vision about debt reduction (which is the only reason I'm able to stand driving our 1994 shitbox of a car). The idea of posting about things I'm lusting to buy makes me feel...well, icky. Like window shopping, which I think is the suckiest of all pastimes.

But. However. The thing is.

We are still spending money to make our house homey and there are a ton of items I've seen that would make things just right. So, in the spirit of saving for, and buying with cash, only what you love, here is today's list.

Almost anything from the Etsy store WilliamDohman although my favorites are:

We are in serious need of coasters. But who thinks of buying coasters? I mean really, unless you're drinking, and then you're drinking so everything seems fairly good anyway, who sits around shopping for coasters. I think I've had these coasters from PaizleyPolkaDot on my Etsy favorites list for at least six months without pulling the trigger on the buy.

I love them, I just can't bring myself to buy them. I think I need to seriously reevaluate my propensity for martyrdom. Not buying these coasters is really only hurting myself, and possibly the beautifully handcrafted concrete tables I'm currently setting my sweaty beer bottles on.

This next thing doesn't really have much to do with home decor but it does make eating Chinese take-out more enjoyable. Especially since all our restaurants started using those stupid foil and plastic box containers. I only wish I could find some of these with the red designs on the side.

 

image via Amazon

So there you have it. Three things I'd love to splurge on. Hopefully I can squeeze some of them out of our budget in the near future.

(You Drive Me) Crazy

"...I just can't sleep. 

I'm so excited, I'm in too deep.

Whoa, crazy, but it feels alright.

Baby thinking of you keeps me UP ALL NIGHT!"

I'm not sure if that's exactly how Elijah would describe his lovely wife, but that's how I picture him. Singing along to the CD I bought him for his 20th birthday (dead true) at the top of his lungs. I've even convinced myself that he keeps the CD hidden in his glove compartment for those days when he's feeling especially nostalgic.

Given that glimpse into our relationship, can you really blame him for sticking with me these past 11 years? Could you even begin to imagine everything anything about me that drives him nuts? I'd love to make a list of all the reasons he's grateful I work two 12 hour night shifts a week, but unfortunately, one of my flaws is my complete and utter denial of having any. I'll have a go at it anyway though, for the sake of my readers.

I know, for a fact that Elijah hates that I have, what he perceives as, no sense of adventure. To me planning for fun goes hand in hand with actually having fun. I don't see this as a flaw (how could I? I actually believe my personality is the definition of perfection) but Elijah would prefer that I let life happen organically a little more often rather than planning everything down to bathroom breaks and snack stops.

Although we've had wonderfully planned trips to Mexico, Amsterdam, Brussels, and Ireland, I'd bet that his favorite vacation with me was the road trip we took to Myrtle Beach in February of 2001. We had a four day weekend and he wanted to just jump in the car and start driving. It didn't matter to him that we didn't know where we'd stay or what we'd end up doing, he was so excited by the fact that we hadn't planning anything. We just pointed to a place on the map and started driving south.

We ended up at this motorcycle dive bar in Myrtle Beach because honestly in February, that's the only bar open. We got a great room with an ocean view (for a steal), took a lovely, but chilly, walk along the beach and then drove around the state until we had to go home. I don't remember much about what we did (other than visiting Wilmington the home of DAWSON'S CREEK!!!) and doing a bit of shopping. But I do remember that we enjoyed each other's company, we laughed a lot, and it didn't matter that the bar had to make us a pitcher of Sex On The Beach because they didn't know the recipe by the glass. It was a great trip and Elijah was right...the fact that we didn't plan a thing only made it better.

So I suppose there is one flaw to my stellar personality. But I must argue that being spontaneous sort of loses it's charm when there are little ones who need to potty every 40 miles and only want to eat PB&J. Maybe once the kids are older we can find a happy medium between my insatiable need to plan and Elijah's yearning to set out without anything other than a map and a full tank of gas.

Spontaneity Becomes Us

Seeing as we all spent pretty much the entirety of Spring Break in our pajamas, on the couch, glued to one type of screen or another, I declared yesterday "screen free" for all the Ogden clan.

We hadn't planned any activities (aside from the weekly vacuuming), so we shut off the TVs, computers, iPad, iPhones, and gaming systems and stared at each other until we came up with the brilliant idea to climb into the car.

Everyone got to pick a place to go. I wanted to stop in at this great little consignment store we have nearby, Elijah wanted to stop at a local nursery and pick up something for the front yard and Asher decided that he and Amelia wanted to go to the park. So that's just what we did.

And it was so totally awesome.

Especially the part where we stopped for frozen yogurt before heading home for dinner!

Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?

I admit it. I'm woefully behind on my reviews. If I'm being perfectly honest, I finished this book back in January and have just been too preoccupied to post about it. Oh and I'm not reading The Omnivore's Dilemma anymore, I've just not picked my next book so I kept up the photo. Talk about Blogging With Integrity! Geesch!

Ok, but back to this very entertaining, yet deceptively simple book. I say simple because it seriously took me about two hours to finish and I am a SLOW READER. And I say deceptive because I know I missed most of the underlying "truths" to David Sedaris' new fables. But, no worries, I will happily read this again.