I consider myself a pretty good SAHM (stay at home mom). Because I'm currently not working, that's how I have been referring to myself. Even when I was working though, I still took care of almost everything that had to do with the house and kids. I took Asher to and from school, helped with homework, coordinated trips to the pediatrician and dentist, cooked dinner, washed everyone's laundry/towels/sheets/etc., etc., etc. It's something I enjoy doing, I do...really. I enjoy taking care of my family and I really like the fact that I can be home now when they're young and still want me around.
Lately however, I've found that it was much easier for me to enjoy being home with my babies when I had somewhere else to be a few nights a week. It didn't matter that I spent that time taking care of OTHER people's adult children, being out of the house and away from my family helped to break up their constant stream of neediness. When I was gone, I missed them and wanted to be home. This feeling reminds me of the saying, "how can I miss you if you don't go away?"
In other words...I desperately miss having a job and will do anything to get out of the house and away from these people!!!!!
Seriously, as much as I enjoy being the first one to hear the school stories or being the one Amelia shares all her after nap smiles with, by the time Friday comes around, I'm ready to barricade myself in my room with my DVR and a large bag of junk food. And what's worse, without work to break up my week, I no longer enjoy the weekend time we get to spend together. I don't want to plan any fun activities or take the kids on a picnic. I want to hand everything (and every one) over to Elijah and veg out for the next two days.
It makes me sad to feel this way about my favorite people which is why I've started job hunting in earnest this week. On the exact opposite side of the coin though, is the feeling that once I do find work, I'll have less of myself to give to my family and that makes me sad as well. It's a 21st century mother's Catch 22.
